Perfectly Imperfect-Post 3

Chapter 7

The term was almost over and the students were very excited. It’s that time of the year that they throw home going parties and this year was no different. They used to do this at Adi’s old school but she and her friends never attended because they did not want to be a part of the things that took place there. There was under age drinking, smoking and a lot of sexual immorality and they feared God too much to be a part of this.

“So are you coming to the end of term gig miss holier than thou?” Mako teased her.
 “No…” she hesitated
 “I don’t go to those kind of things” Adi told him.
“Are you serious? Why in the world not? Did they not have these kinds of things at your old school?” he looked shocked.
“They did, me and my friends just never went. I know what goes on there” replied Adi.
“Is it because you’re a Christian?” asked Mako
 “Yes, that’s the reason. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t even listen to the music they’ll be playing!” Adi exclaimed. Mako stood in front of her to stop her and looked straight at her.
“You are serious aren’t you? Just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun Adi, stop trying to act like you’re better than every one of us. Anotida and Nicole are coming to the party, what makes you so special that you can’t even attend one little party!!!” Adi was a little shocked hearing that Anotida and Nicole were going to this party but she wasn’t entirely surprised at all.
 “If Nicole and Anotida want to go they can go, no one’s stopping them but don’t make me feel like I’m judging you by not going. I have no business being there and you know that!” Adi said back to him.
 “What do you mean ‘you have no business being there’, how about the fact that your friends will be there, is that not a good enough reason for you?” Mako also said back. Their conversation was becoming heated and getting louder, people could almost hear them.
“It’s not like you guys aren’t going to have fun just because I’m not there, oh my gosh why are you making a big deal out of this!?” Adi asked out of frustration.
 “I am not trying to make a big deal out of this, I just want you to come and have fun with us, that’s all. Forgive me if that’s too much to ask from a Christian!!” he walked away. Adi could not believe it and she definitely could not understand it.
“God what is the meaning of this?” she whispered under her breath.

She went to Nicole and Anotida and told them what had just happened. “What!!” “You’re not coming to the gig?” they asked.
“You guys know how I feel about that, you can go and have fun without me” Adi told them.
“No! You’re coming to this gig” Nicole told her.
“I really can’t do that. My parents wouldn’t allow me anyway and I don’t think I should go” Adi said.
“That’s not fair Adi” said Anotida “We come to church with you every Sunday, we also love God and we really want you to come with us, I promise you’ll have fun. You can tell your parents you’re coming for a sleep over at our house and we can go to the gig from there” Anotida said persuasively “Noooooo way! You want me to lie to my parents? I can’t do that” Adi frowned. She had never considered doing such a thing and here she was contemplating it.
“Oh gosh!!” she almost shouted “Fine I’ll come. I’ll ask mum and dad if I can come yours for the sleep over”
“Yessss!” the girls chorused.
“I promise you won’t regret it” Nicole said to her. Deep inside Adi knew that she would regret it. Though everything inside of her told her to say no she said yes anyway, she gave into the pressure. She felt nervous from just the thought of lying to her parents about the reason for her sleep over.
"I have always wanted to check one of them things out, i guess this is my chance" she said to herself.











Chapter 8

Adi tried to make herself feel better for saying yes to going to the gig.
“If I don’t go people are going to think I’m saying I’m better than them,and besides all my friends will be there.” Adi thought to herself. “So I have to go, that way when I ask them to come church they’ll also come. No one can make me do something I don’t want to do anyway, I’ll probably just sit in a corner the whole night. God I promise you I’ll be well behaved” She looked up. Even she didn’t feel right saying it but she was not backing down from this particular decision.

“Mum, can I sleep over at Anotida’s house on the weekend?” she asked her mother.
“It should be okay but I’ll run it by your dad, as long I see you at church on Sunday?” Mrs Ishe replied.
“I promise I’ll be there, why wouldn’t I come?” she asked though she didn’t really want an answer. She just wanted this part to be over before she sold herself out. She had never done this before and she hated the way she felt about it.
“I know you’ll be there, just wanted to make sure. I’m sure your father will be okay with it as well.”  her mum walked out. She sighed heavily and just stood there as if she had just committed murder, she felt heavily convicted but she ignored the feeling. A part of her hoped that her dad would say no.

“Are you sure we trust those girls enough to let our daughter sleep over at theirs all weekend?” Mr Ishe looked concerned when his wife approached him about the sleep over Adi had asked to go to.
 “Sweetie even if we didn’t trust them we’re going to have to trust our daughter. These are her friends and we haven’t heard her complain about them even once” Mrs Ishe replied.
"What if they have the sleep over here? That way we can keep an eye on them" he suggested.
"You can plan that one after the one they've already planned" Mrs Ishe looked at her husband.
 “I don’t know about this but if you think it’s okay then it’s okay I guess.” He finally gave in.
“She’ll be fine, don’t worry” she winked. Mrs Ishe went and gave her daughter the good news. Adi pretended to be excited. The next day at school she told her friends Anotida, Nicole and Mako her parents had said yes. They were all excited.
"You're never going to regret this!" Mako promised her.
"I'm gonna beg to differ on that one" she replied.
"No one ever regrets having fun miss, you are no exception" he brushed her hand with his.
"How about we stop trying to convince each other and let the experience show results?"
"Agreed" Mako held out his hand for a fist pump.
"Get that thing out my face buddy" Adi pushed his hand away and walked off.

Friday came too soon for Adi. She was not really looking forward to the weekend. She had spoken to her friends Nicole and Dalia but she neglected to tell them about her weekend plan. She knew they wouldn’t approve and she also knew these were the kind of friends she needed to be around her. She told them she was not doing anything for the weekend except hang out at her new friends’ house as she still called them.  Dalia and Nicole were going for prayers Saturday night, she asked them to pray for her and she knew them well enough to know they always did.

She went to Anotida’s house that same day after school, her mother took her. That night was nothing short of fun and games when they finally got together.
 “Where’s Mako today?” Adi looked at Nicole.
“He’s at home or maybe he went out. I never know with my brother, he’s 17 so my parents allow him to do whatever he wants” Nicole replied
“Oh…cool”
 “Why do you ask?” Anotida asked
“No reason, I’m just really used to having the four of us together all the time that’s all” Adi almost hesitated.
 “Yeah right, do you have feelings for my brother Adi?” Nicole randomly asked. Adi was shocked by this question because she wasn’t expecting it,
 “Why would you ask me that?” she looked as shocked as she felt.
 “Because though you saying you’re used to spending time with all three of us, you’ve been spending more time with my brother. Is anything going on?” Nicole replied her.
 “Uh oh!” came out of Anotida’s mouth.
“Did you invite me here so that you could gang up on me!” Adi exclaimed.
“Calm down Adi we not ganging up on you. We want to help you, if you like Mako we’ll help you get him” said Anotida.
“Yeah, that’s all we want to do. I know my brother, a lot of girls like him so I can help you be the one he wants to be with” Nicole tried to convince her.
“No, I’m okay thanks. I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be right back” and she got up. When she got to the bathroom she let out a big sigh. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. She thought about Edward, the guy from back home. He had been phoning her almost everyday and he made it no secret that he likes her and wants to be with her. He has already told her he wanted to be more than friends. She had declined because she wanted to get to know him more and apart from that her parents had told her she was too young to be having a boyfriend. All of a sudden her life was getting very complicated. She had feelings for Mako but she wasn’t sure about Mako’s feelings for her.
“God I need your help” she muttered. She wasn’t sure what to say to her friends, all she knew was it was getting too deep too soon. She flushed the toilet to make it believable that she really used the toilet. By the time she got back to where the girls where they seemed like they had forgotten the conversation they were having before she left the room so she just joined in because she wasn’t sure what to say anyway.

Soon as they got into bed she received a text and it was from Mako and it read
“I miss you, I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow”. She felt something inside of her, she felt butterflies in her stomach.
“Who’s texting you at this ungodly hour?” Nicole whispered.
“Your brother” she replied and smiled in the dark while she replied
 “I miss you too, see you tomorrow. x”
"Oh gosh!" Sighed Nicole.
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" Adi chuckled.
"You felt that?" Nicole laughed.
"Let's just say I'm getting used to you" Adi smiled.
"Time to sleep you two and Adi put your phone on silent incase lover boy feels like texting you again later" Anotida teased her.
"Guys!" was all Adi managed to say and they all laughed.

“I really have no clue what I’m doing” Adi thought to herself. When she woke up the next morning she couldn’t remember how she fell asleep, she had so much on her mind, mostly Mako.

The girls took their baths and they were going to get into town before they went to the gig later that night. They went shopping for new clothes. Anotida and Nicole chose an outfit for her, when she tried it on she did not feel comfortable in it but as usual they managed to persuade her to get it and once again she gave into something she really didn’t want to do. She bought a very short and tight dress, it was black with wavey silver lines. It was a beautiful dress but it certainly wasn’t her thing. By the time they got back home it was time for them to get ready for the school gig so they took their second baths and they got ready. The gig was starting at 6pm but they didn’t want to be bang on time so they delayed leaving the house.
 “You look really hot miss” Nicole told Adi. By the time they left the house Adi was feeling a little more comfortable in her outfit and the whole thing.
“My brother is gonna love this” she added rubbing her hands together.
 “Oh stop it Nicole. You said it yourself, Mako has a lot of girls after him” she blushed.
“And yet it’s you he spends most of his time with” Anotida said to her giving her a side eye.
 “Can we go now please!!?” Adi tried to change the subject. Anotida’s older brother Anesu drove them to the school hall.
"You all look very beautiful but I expect you all to behave and call me when this whole thing is done and I'll come take you home, ok?" Anesu waited for a response.
"What if we want to take a taxi?" Anotida protested.
"Then I might as well take you back home right now" Anesu started the engine while they were still in the car.
"No, Anotida is just playing we want you to come pick us up!" Nicole shrieked.
"That's what I thought" Anesu smiled looking impressed with himself.
"I hate you!" Anotida banged his car door.
"I love you too" he yelled back at her.


When they got there the school hall was already packed. It seemed like everyone had arrived and yet more people were arriving every few minutes. The students were having fun. Somehow they managed to sneak in some alcohol and some were already drunk.
“Are we meant to have alcohol here?” Adi asked looking surprised at the behaviour of some of the students.
“No, but the clever ones do anyway” replied Anotida while she looked around as if she was looking for someone.
“Who are you looking for Anotida?” asked Nicole
“I just want to see who’s here, looking for some of our friends” she replied. Nicole laughed and replied.
 “Oh please, you can’t fool me buddy. Who’s the guy?”
“Why does it have to be a guy all the time?” Anotida replied in a defensive tone.
 “It’s always a guy with you girls” Adi said rolling her eyes. “I’m going to go and sit down, I want to be out of everyone’s sight” Adi said and she walked to the back where she spotted some chairs.
“The preacher’s looking hot today” someone laughed as she passed by. She just rolled her eyes and continued walking.
"It's not too late to walk out" she heard a voice say to her.
"I'm here now, I might as well make the most of it" she walked on.

She got herself a drink and sat down. She sat somewhere she could see almost everyone, she was looking for Mako but he was nowhere to be found. She wanted to text him and ask where he was but she also thought that he would think she is desperate so she decided not to text him, after all he had said he was looking forward to seeing her in the text he sent last night. Adi avoided talking to anyone especially a guy because she didn’t want Mako to walk in and see her talking to another guy. She sat there for almost an hour before she spotted Mako walking into the hall. Her heart skipped a beat, she almost jumped but she managed to control herself. Mako stood by the entrance and looked around, he walked over to where Nicole and Anotida where busy dancing with some guys.
“Why is your hand on my little sister?” Mako shouted at the guy that was dancing with Nicole. Nicole looked very annoyed.
“What do you want Makomborero?”
 “I’m just looking around, that’s all. Where’s your third one?” he attempted to downplay the question.
“She’s somewhere around here, maybe she too, is dancing with someone” Anotida said looking for a reaction, Mako didn’t give them one.
“Ok, I’m just going to walk around and see who else is here. Please behave yourselves” and he gave them a look and he walked away. The girls waved him away and continued dancing.

Adi didn’t notice Mako walking towards her.
“You look beautiful tonight” he whispered in her ear. Though she was excited she didn’t show it.
“Thank you very much” she whispered back.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere” Mako said as he sat next to her.
“All that time I was sat right here, Nicole and Anotida could have told you where I was when you spoke to them when you got here” Adi replied.
“So you noticed me when I walked in?” he smiled
“Don’t get excited, I just happened to be looking that way at the time you got here” Adi blushed while trying to keep a straight face. Mako laughed and replied.
“Yeah alright, if you say so love” and they both laughed.
 “Would you like to dance?” Mako asked as he got up and took her hand without giving her a chance to reply.
“No way, I can’t dance in front of all these people” she tried to sit back down.
“You have to at least have one dance, you can’t come to a gig and just sit down the whole time” he pulled her back up.
“It’s really not my thing, I don’t even know these songs” she replied and this time she was standing.
 “I promise you don’t have to sing along, you just got to dance to the beat, that’s all”
 “Okay fine, just the one dance” as she followed his lead to the dance floor surprised at how it didn't take much for Mako to convince her to do anything, first he convinced her to come to the dance and now dancing both of which she was not into at all.

“Do you think they’re going to end up together?” Anotida asked Nicole.
“I don’t know you know, I know my brother and I hope he doesn’t hurt her because we both know what Mako’s like when it comes to girls.” Nicole replied.
 “They look happy together though, they have a good time when they’re together” Anotida said watching them dance.  After that dance they sat down together, all four of them and they were having a laugh. Around 10pm one of Mako’s friends brought the four of them some alcohol. Everyone else took it but Adi said no. Everyone just looked at her.
 “Come on Adi, this is fun. Stop being a party pooper” said Nicole.
“No guys, I don’t drink and I really don’t want to start today” she replied.
“Come on Mrs Pastor, be like us just for tonight. We’ll show you how to have a really good time” said Mako’s friend. Everyone was trying to persuade her to take the alcohol as they were all already drinking but she still said no. She told herself that she had let them convince her to be here and to wear what she was wearing but she wasn’t going to budge this time. They didn’t stop teasing her until she uttered the words
“Okay fine I’ll have one bottle!!” Out of frustration
Mako looked at her in disbelief and he whispered to her
 “You do not have to do this Adi, you don’t have to drink alcohol”.
“Why not?” she asked looking surprised.
“I thought this is what you wanted” she held bottle in his face.
“Why would you say that?” he frowned.
“Well you didn’t say anything when everyone else was trying to make me drink!” she said.
 “I’m sorry, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think you would actually go this far” Mako told her.
“You’ve never drank before and you really don’t have to” Mako took the bottle she was holding.
 “Thanks for the concern but I want to do this!” Adi exclaimed as she grabbed the bottle and she downed it in one go. Nicole, Anotida and Mako’s friend clapped their hands in praise of what she had done but Mako looked disappointed.
“Obviously I was wrong about you Adi” he told her in front of everyone.
“Well thank God I don’t care what you or anyone thinks about me isn’t it Mako?” she shouted back and Nicole and Anotida were shocked because they knew how Adi felt about Mako though she ddidn't care to admit it. She continued to drink with everyone else and she was supposedly having a good time. Mako only had that one drink because he figured he might as well be the sober one amongst his friends. He did not give Adi any attention for the rest of the night and Adi pretended not to care. Before long she was drunk because her body was not used to alcohol.

She saw Mako chatting to a girl that she didn’t know and it upset her but they were fighting so she continued to act like it didn’t bother her.
 “Oooh Mako’s hooking up with a girl” she said to Nicole and Anotida and she clapped her hands and shouted “Go Mako!”
“I think you’ve had enough babe” Nicole tried to calm her down.
 “So you and your brother are just trying to tell me what to do, why is that? Leave me alone!” she walked off. She went and sat outside. Anotida followed after her.
 “Are you okay?” she asked Adi.
“No! Obviously I’m not okay. I feel dizzy, my head is spinning, I just feel weird and Mako is in there talking to another girl while I’m making a fool of myself. This is a disaster, I shouldn’t even be here!” she cried and buried her face in her hands.
“I’m sorry we made you drink, it was wrong for us to do that. I think we better go home now” Anotida told her.
“No one made me do anything I didn’t want to do. I don’t want to spoil this night for you guys. I can take a taxi home” she replied.
“There’s no way you’re leaving without me and Nicole, we came together. We’re friends remember and we love you. Let me call my brother to come and get us.” Said Anotida.
 “No, you can call him in about an hour. You can go back inside and have fun”. Anotida didn’t want to leave her outside by herself but Adi didn’t want to go back inside because she didn’t think she could face her friends after making a fool of herself. She convinced Anotida to go back inside and she told her she would follow in a few minutes because she needed to get some air.

She sat on the steps with her hands and head resting on her knees trying to figure out what was going on with her body. “I’ll never do this again” Adi said under her breath. She definitely felt the regret. She wanted to go home but she knew walking into her parents’ house in that state it was as good as suicide so she had to wait for her friends.

“Where’s Adi gone?” Mako asked Nicole and Anotida
 “I don’t know, when she saw you talking to that girl she got upset and went outside” replied Anotida.
“What? And you let her in that state?” Mako shouted and went out to look for her. He saw her soon as he stepped out because she was sitting by the entrance.
“Adi” he said shaking her. “Are u okay?”
“What do you care Mako, leave me alone please” Adi replied calmly.
“I’m sorry but I’m not going to leave you alone. I will sit right here with you until it’s time to go home.” Mako replied as he sat down. Adi just looked at him and went “arrgghhhhh!!” but Mako remained silent. They both sat in silence. Mako went and got her some water and left her sitting with someone until he came back. None of them said anything the whole time.
“I’ve called my brother to come pick us up” Anotida went and told Adi.
“Okay, that’s fine. Thanks” Adi replied and rested her head back on her knees. Anotida’s brother got there not long after that. Adi didn’t even say goodbye to Mako, she just got up and went to the car. But it didn’t bother him much because he knew she wasn’t herself. When they got into the car Anotida’s brother could smell the alcohol and knew they had been drinking.
"You've been drinking! You know you're too young for that right, if mum and dad found out..." And then he realised it was pointless lecturing them in their drunken state because they probably would not remember any of it in the morning. "Nevermind, we'll have this chat tomorrow" and he drove them home.















Chapter 9

The next morning Adi woke up early, she had to because she knew her parents expected her to be at church. Her head was throbbing and she was feeling sick. She had no idea she was hung over. She took some pain killers, took a bath and went to church. She took a taxi because she didn’t want to wake anyone up.

The conviction Adi felt on her way to church was heavy on her, she couldn’t bear it. “Was it worth it?” was the question that kept repeating in her heart. “No it wasn’t” she sighed under her breath.
“Pardon?” said the taxi driver.
“Oh nothing, I’m not talking to you” she calmly replied. She received a text from Mako just before she reached church and it said “Are you ok?” She read it but didn’t reply. She felt embarrassed and ashamed, she didn’t know how to reply or what to say.
She felt horrible. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her heart was beating fast and she didn’t understand what was going on, she was scared. The taxi driver noticed her crying in the review mirror but he couldn’t say anything. She got to church and paid the taxi driver and she sat at the back of the church where her parents couldn’t see her and she hoped God couldn’t see her either but she knew that was impossible. Though they didn’t know where she was and what she had done last night she felt like if they saw her they would know immediately.

She wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on during the church service. She felt so guilty, she couldn’t even talk to God. She wanted to say sorry and ask God to forgive her but she couldn’t, she didn’t know how to start. She tried to remember what had happened last night. She remembered some of it, she wasn’t sure what else she may have done and forgot.

“Oh God I’m so sorry, please forgive me” she prayed as she buried her head in her hands. She broke down and began to cry. She didn’t know what else to say to God except to ask for his forgiveness but she felt like it wasn’t enough, she felt like she should do more for God to forgive her. The church service finished and she walked to her parents.
“Hi mum and dad” she said hugging both of them.
 “Oh you’re here, I thought you hadn’t come. I was about to phone you child” her mum said hugging her back.
“Mum, I told you I wouldn’t miss church for anything silly.” She replied.
 “I’m happy you came. Wasn’t the preaching amazing?” her dad asked.
 “Yes dad it was” Adi replied though she had no idea since she wasn't paying attention because she was drowning herself in her sorrows.
 “Let’s go home now my beautiful ladies” Mr Ishe held both their hands.
“Your mum and I cooked yesterday so that we could eat as a family after church” he added. “Ahhhhh, what do you mean ‘we’?” Mrs Ishe laughed looking at her husband. Adi really admired her parents’ marriage. She hoped some day she would have such an amazing marriage. The joy in her parents’ laughter made her forget her worries for a while. They went home and had dinner. Adi thought she had done a great job of pretending everything was okay with her but her mum didn’t fall for the act but she didn’t say anything to Adi or to her husband. She decided to take it to the Lord in prayer.

Monday was back to school day and it felt like when she first started going to that same school, she wasn’t looking forward to it. “Will anyone ever look at me the same” she thought to herself. “I proved that I’m just the same as them so how will they ever take my Christianity seriously, even Mako told me he was disappointed in me, what did I do!” she kept asking herself. She was so mad at herself for letting God down like that.
That night before bed she asked God to see her through this mess and she hoped he would answer because "Truthfully God has no reason to" she thought.

When she woke up in the morning she dreaded getting out of bed. She thought about lying to her parents so that she could stay home until towards the end of the week but she knew she would just delay the awkwardness. “Brace yourself Adi, today will be a hard day” she whispered to herself and with that she got out of bed and got ready for school.

Her mum noticed that Adi was not her normal self. She was getting worried. “Lord please help my daughter with whatever she is going through” she prayed in her heart. She drove her to school that morning and the drive was a silent one.

She almost cried as she walked to class but when she was half way there she commanded herself to brace herself and be brave. She said a short prayer to God asking for courage because she was scared. When she walked into class no one said anything to her. Everyone was acting normal as if nothing had happened. Adi went and sat on her desk next to Nicole. She sat silently
 “Hey Adi, you ok?” Nicole asked.
“What do you think?” she replied in a sarcastic tone.
“There is no need for that tone, I’m genuinely asking you if you’re okay. I didn’t get to see you yesterday because you left Anotida’s house really early, that’s all”
“I’m sorry Nicole, I just really feel bad about what happened yesterday…or should I say embarrassed” she rolled her eyes and they both laughed lightly.
“Don’t worry about yesterday Adi, what happened to you last night is normal and besides, we all understand because it was your first time drinking.” Nicole said as she grinned.
 “And my last too and no, I disagree, it’s far from normal. It may be normal to most students but I’ve never done it before and it was wrong for me to do that, I know better than to give into pressure” Adi told Nicole.
“Well, I know you think you’re better than all of us but clearly you’re not. Yesterday you behaved just like everyone else so stop with the holier than thou acts” Nicole replied rolling her eyes. Adi didn’t dare say anything back because she felt that to some extent Nicole was right, she had done what they all do and now everyone’s going to look at her differently. She couldn’t even explain to Nicole that last night was a mistake because she really didn’t see the point. This made her feel worse than she already did.
“Maybe you’re right” she softly said to Nicole. School was intense, during break Adi didn’t see Mako and it bothered her. Anotida and Nicole barely said much to her. Adi just wanted to go home at this point. As she walked around school some of the students were making fun of her and teasing her and some of the times she almost cried but held herself together. She felt even more guilty but no one in that school knew what she was going through. “I went to the stupid gig so that my friends wouldn’t think I think I’m better than them and now I’m a bad person because of it, I’ve become the very thing I was trying to avoid by going to the stupid thing and it wasn’t even worth it!!!!?” she internally shouted at herself. “God I know you’re not impressed by my actions and I wouldn’t blame you if you never heard my prayers ever again” she added. She was beating herself up over this situation all day, she couldn’t give herself a break but she had to hang in there until after school.

She decided to go visit her friends from back home during the next weekend. She really needed some time away. She asked her parents if she could go and they decided to go as a family. Adi would sleep over at Dalia or Nicole’s house and her parents would book a hotel and they would go church together on Sunday. Adi was so excited, she couldn’t wait to hang out with her “real friends” she was thinking to herself. Her mother was still concerned about her so when Adi went up to bed her mum followed after her.

“What is going on with you Adi?” Mrs Ishe asked her daughter.
 “Nothing mum, why do you ask?”
“Well, ever since last Sunday you’ve been down. I know you’ve tried to hide it but I can see through the pretence.” Her mum told her.
“It’s hard to explain mum, and you’d probably never forgive me. I feel so bad” she said and her eyes started tearing up.
 “Try me Adi, I might be more understanding than you may think.”
“Ok, please don’t be mad”. She narrated the story to her mum and as she did she cried the whole time. After she finished her mum hugged her, she almost cried too because she understood what her daughter was going through as a young girl who was scared, she was once in the same place doing things she didn’t believe in so that she could please other people. The truth is even after she was married she found herself compromising who she was and what she believed in because that’s what people expected of her so she totally understood.  “Adi, do you believe God?” Mrs Ishe asked her daughter.
“Yes mum I do” she wiped her face.
“So why are you calling God a liar?” Mrs Ishe asked again
“But I’m not mum, I just feel bad and I deserve to feel bad” she replied her mum.
“You deserve a lot of things, even I deserve a lot of things and none of those things are good things but God hardly gives us what we deserve because he loves us that much. He loves us so much that he gave us Jesus to die for us, to die for the sins that we’ve committed and for the ones we’re yet to commit. The important thing is that we keep with repentance, do you understand that?” her mum asked.
“I kind of do understand, how do I know when I’ve repented though?” Adi asked her mum.
“Well, to repent is to turn away from our sins. For example you drank and got drunk, so for you to repent is to be genuine when you tell God you’re never going to do it again. Do you get it now?” she asked he daughter putting her hand on Adi’s shoulder.
“So when you tell God you’ll never do it again and still walk in guilt what you’re saying to God is ‘Lord though you said you’ve forgiven me I don’t believe you because my sin is bigger than you’” she added. Adi let out a heavy sigh
“I have to apologise to God for not believing him don’t I?”
“Yes you do and believe it when you say it. You can not preach redemption to others and walk in captivity yourself, God says what he means and he means what he says.” Mrs Ishe told her daughter.
“Thank you mum, you’re God sent” Adi said as she smiled at her mum.
“You’re welcome, don’t forget to talk to God before you sleep young lady”
“I won’t, goodnight mum” and Mrs Ishe left her room. She sat up in her bed feeling so relieved, she wasn’t feeling a 100% but she knew she was getting there. She opened her bible and she opened Micah 7:18 “who is like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy”
She felt so empowered when she opened that verse randomly and she knew and believed God had heard the cry of her heart.
“If only humans were as forgiving as God” she said whispered.